Civil Articles
She goes to the party, even though it’s late.
Remembering all the moments they spent together, when someone finally opens the door, she enters the house still involved in the romantic mood that her memories brought.
She had to wait a long time until someone finally heard the bell because the music was too loud.
There are so many people inside there that she cannot find her friend or recognize anyone. So many faces!
No place to sit down. She stays near the door because it’s impossible to walk. There are even people in the most hidden corners and who knows where else…
She is thirsty but nobody offers her a drink.
She sees a disk with a few full glasses on the table. What is inside them?
She tries to walk and reach them, but she cannot move. She then has the idea to ask for a glass to someone near her. She does that and the guy she asks to bring her a glass asks it to another guy and so on, until someone finally gets the glass and sends it to her, through many hands.
It’s whisky with water, because the ice has melted. She smells it and feels like throwing up.
Where could she leave the glass?
The nearest table is a few feet further and she cannot move.
She feels like a sardine in a can.
After waiting and listening to the loud music and to the noise of many conversations at the same time, she gives the glass to someone that finally gets it from her hand.
She opens the door and leaves.
Too much traffic in the streets…
She returns home dead tired and sleeps.
The next day three alarm clocks repeat many times that it’s time to wake up, but her ears have immunization against alarm clocks. This is a self-defense: her tired body automatically becomes one with the bed as soon as the alarm clocks begin.
Well, she delays too much to arrive to the office again…
Meanwhile, her boss forgot the keys inside his car and closed the door, which automatically locks.
He tries to call his wife; however his cellular battery is dead because he forgot to recharge it. He asks her to give him her cellular.
However, she forgot to bring it with her, because she left in a hurry, forgetting also to bring with her many other items, left in another purse.
A colleague has the office keys and saves them, opening the door triumphantly.
They enter and she answers the phone. Someone complains about what is happening next week. She sends the line to her boss.
A couple enters talking. She looks at them and asks them what they want. However, they are too busy talking between themselves without paying any attention to her.
A man asks her about his case. She opens the drawer, but she cannot find a very important paper that should be there.
She goes to the next room, looking for the missing document.
However, it cannot be found.
The couple asks her a hundred questions at the same time, when they finally finish talking by themselves.
She is taller than him and he is bald. If she was brunette, they would be like Olive and Popeye, but she is too blonde. Her hair color is obviously the result of many types of dyes.
Popeye is a little stutterer and manages somehow to finish his questions, while Olive talks too fast, without ever shouting her mouth.
The phone rings again.
The mail man brings her many envelopes that she has to organize.
The man who was waiting for the missing document finishes talking with his partner on his cellular phone and asks her what will happen with his case.
Olive becomes irritated because time is running out and she has an appointment.
Someone else comes in and starts asking questions too.
Her boss is fighting with his wife on the second telephone, while her colleague is flirting with a secretary on the first one. She cannot make any phone calls, because there is no third line …
A woman enters and sits down near her desk, as if nobody else was there and it was her turn to be attended. The entire office smells strongly of her fragrance.
Popeye becomes irritated with the delay too.
She feels that the “sympathetic couple” is going to hit her, besides the man who is waiting for the missing document.
Too many “very pleasant” complaints at the same time complete the already “very nice” scenario. They come from the over-perfumed woman, who speaks at a speed of approximately sixty words per second.
Both telephones ring at the same time.
She tells everyone that her boss is going to solve all their problems, one by one.
However, her boss suddenly leaves the office without saying a word, because he urgently needs a lawyer to prepare his divorce.
Her colleague has no idea about anything. He’s only a tourist in the office, because he is the boss’s nephew.
However, she tells the complainers that he is their savior and that he will solve all the existing problems in her boss’s place, since they ignore the bitter truth and she doesn’t know what to do.
The man who is waiting for the missing document is ready to hit her colleague.
However, another problem suddenly occupies all of them: someone is shouting inside the lift. It is stuck in the middle of the floor and nobody can get out of there.
Three very fat men are responsible for this abnormality: the three together must weigh more than a ton.
She calls the building’s janitor, asking for help. However, he is busy with another problem, somewhere else.
She gets out of the office abandoning the complainers to comfort the imprisoned in the lift.
Her complainers follow her.
She finds a chance to go back to the office without being noticed and tells the boss’s nephew to get out.
They lock the door, so that the complainers won’t get back in.
The firemen arrive and everyone wants to watch the miraculous salvation of the three fat prisoners in the lift, forgetting their rush.
However, the heroic firemen disappoint everyone: many other problems arise as they try to solve the first ones.
Where is the building’s janitor?
They look for him everywhere.
However, he cannot be found.
Someone looks for her.
However, the office is locked and nobody is there.
Finally, someone finds the building’s janitor, after many failed attempts.
However, the janitor forgot where they keep the lift’s maintenance equipment and he cannot save the fat prisoners.
Her boss arrives.
However, he doesn’t have the office keys, because they are still in the locked car.
Someone calls the police, but they tell them to call the firemen instead.
Finally, an intelligent observer smiles, enlightened by a very brilliant idea that will save the lift’s prisoners without delay.
However, it doesn’t work…
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Tags: daily humor
Posted in Humor · June 24th, 2010 · Comments (0)
Laughter, as the old saying goes, is the best medicine. As it turns out, the old saying is literally true. Study after study has shown that laughter not only eases pain and suffering, but it actually assists the healing process by lowering blood pressure and releasing stress.
Moreover, a sense of humor has been conclusively linked to being a successful person. Funny people go further in life, probably because funny people are generally better liked than those who are humorless. At any rate, a life punctuated by moments of humor would be preferable to a life without laughter. How can we laugh and get others to laugh?”
Pranks are even better than jokes at getting a laugh. A joke is only funny once, but humorous shenanigans can be recycled — people laugh at them many years later as they are recounted
For this reason, I fall squarely on the side of pranks in the hot debate over whether they are better than jokes. Congress should really settle this issue once and for all by passing legislation declaring fun-filled tricks as the optimal catalyst of laughter and thus healing. They could call it the “Heal America Happily Act” or HAHA for short. When some joker challenged HAHA in court, I am sure that pranksters across this great land would rise up with one inspiring voice to solicit donations. These funds would hire the finest team of attorneys the world has ever seen — or at least the best since O.J. Simpson’s first trial — to defend pranking and its advocates all the way to the Supreme Court which would, of course, rule on the side of the People.
When the case of Joe Kerr vs. The United States is finally decided, the issue will be settled once and for all: America is a land where jokes are cool but pranks are considered awesome. We revere those who fool others because they create generations worth of yuks in one single, well executed maneuver. Any joker can nail. It takes a true genius to fool someone right to the point of freaking out, then relieve them by letting them know that they have been punked.
It’s all about the action, baby. Anybody can talk a good game. This concludes our discourse on why pranks are awesome while jokes are just OK.
If you are looking for ideas for pranks, you should know exactly what to do. (Hint: It involves clicking a link in the previous sentence.)
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Tags: Humor
Posted in Humor · May 13th, 2010 · Comments (0)